


I love and I hate

by LilyofFandoms



Category: The Wayhaven Chronicles (Interactive Fiction)
Genre: F/M, Love Letters, latin quote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26502145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyofFandoms/pseuds/LilyofFandoms
Summary: The Latin quote is Catullus 85. It translates roughly as, "I hate and I love. How can I do that you might ask me? I do not know. But that's what I feel and this is torture."
Relationships: Detective/Ava du Mortain, Male Detective/Ava du Mortain
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8
Collections: A series of familiar letters





	I love and I hate

What am I doing with you? What are you doing to me? So many unanswerable questions flood my mind and I cannot help but wonder why I allow myself to feel this way about you? You haunt me, Evan. Why can’t I just forget you? Why won’t you just let me be? I hate this feeling of helplessness.

Yet still, here I sit - alone - in my room and my thoughts always wander to you. The way you walk into a room, the sound of your voice upon my ears, the way my whole being seems to calm when you are around and I despise this feeling of weakness.

Nat keeps telling me this is normal and I should just stop fighting but it is all I have known. My whole life has been one battle after another and I am afraid I don’t know how to be any other way. I don’t know how to exist outside of this.

Mason tells me, in more lewd motions than words, how I should respond to you and truth be told, you ~~with me~~ is all I seem able to dream of at night alone in my bed. To open up and let you in would be to succumb to my vulnerability.

And Felix. Felix never shuts up about how I should act towards you and it varies wildly between Nat’s advice and Mason’s. He talks of my need to experience things anew. He tells me I have grown cold and distant to a real part of me. A part I abandoned long ago. A part that I was convinced no longer existed. Until you.

And despite how I push you away, how I push down the memory of you, the thought of you, the desire for you, there you are. Always with me.

_Ōdī et amō. Quārē id faciam fortasse requīris. Nesciō, sed fierī sentiō et excrucior._

**Author's Note:**

> The Latin quote is Catullus 85. It translates roughly as, "I hate and I love. How can I do that you might ask me? I do not know. But that's what I feel and this is torture."


End file.
